What I Need is Accountability… Not a Free Pass

People have been walking on eggshells around me, and I know it. People have been treating me differently, and it’s getting on my nerves. If you just met me, you might not have any idea why people are trying to protect me from life. Well, I’m just going to lay it all out there for the world to know. This summer has been hell. I had a baby (which is NOT something that is easy to do). You might be thinking, well… people do that all the time. Yes. You are right. But typically, it doesn’t happen 12 days after they unexpectedly lose their father. Mourning is hard enough… and so is being a new mom… but put them together… and it’s hell. I am just thankful we found a doctor to induce me at 39 weeks, so that I could make it to my little sister’s wedding. A month after Munchie arrives, I go in to pick up my final maternity leave paycheck and learn I no longer have a job. Lovely.

It has been a hell of a summer… and I know people have been treating me differently because of it… but you know what? STOP IT.

I appreciate the sympathy. I appreciate the support. But… I really need some normalcy and accountability. If I’m acting like a bitch… call me out on it. If I’m totally out of line, knock some sense into me (with your words… not your fists, please). We all need a free pass from time to time… but I’m ready to turn mine in. I need to put on my big girl panties and keep moving forward. I want to be a badass mom, because Munchie deserves that. I want to find a job, because I have incredible talents and skills. I want to honor my dad by being an amazing person and carrying on his legacy. All of these things will require accountability. Sitting around, feeling sorry for myself, isn’t going to get anything done. I know that. You know that. We agree.

So, please… feel free to cut me some slack… but don’t let me get away with too much. Today, I’m hanging up my free pass. I’m going to keep it within reach, just in case I need it again… and I’m sure there will be days I do… but for today… I’m going to breathe… and be the best ME that I can be. Your job is to hold me to that. (Unless I throw my free pass in your face… then back away… slowly.)

Oh… and you all have free passes, too.

 

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